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12OCT2020

 This morning I woke up full of anxiety once again as I have so much to accomplish on my to do list.

The thoughts of taking care of myself, my work and the people who depend on me today were crippling my ability to think straight.

Plus, for the past few days I have been dog sitting for one of our gym members and T (the dog) was immediately demanding my attention from the very start this morning.

Being filled with this kind of anxiety and responsibility caused me to stay in bed rather than get up at my normal time.

But, there is work to be done so Action > Anxiety - I forced myself to get up and get started with a couple of small wins that I do each day.

Get up, get dressed, brush your teeth, drink your water .... this is stuff I literally had to tell myself to do just to check it off as a win for the morning but these small steps helped me get out the door.

My morning walk with T was more chaotic for me than it was peaceful (I count on my walks to gather my thoughts and prepare for my day).

Cars that would pass us by in the neighborhood would send her into a frenzy of fear and all I could say to myself in an attacking manner was, "This is your own fault for getting up later than normal."

 We finally get to the gym and I start to settle into my day...

Prayer, morning devotion and now this journaling.

I'm more at peace and feeling productive as my hands type out my thoughts on the screen in front of me.  This part of my morning routine certainly grounds me and although there is plenty to do today, I know I'll get it done with confidence versus struggle in uncertainty. 

Today's scripture talks said: Beware of seeing myself through other peoples eyes.

That's something I have struggled with my entire life...

Good or bad, I would make up stories about what other people thought of me and would always seek  approval and validation in anything I do (I still do this).  But for way too long, I allowed these stories to define who I was and it always made me feel insecure and honestly, worthless.  

These days I try and see myself through God's perspective who loves me eternally and who wants the best for me.

I am reminded today to cast all of my fears, anxiety, problems and situations to God.  Give it all to Him and in Him I can find strength to make the most out of today.

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