We went to Church twice a week, every Sunday morning and again on Wednesday nights.
Dad was a Deacon of the church I was raised in and Mom volunteered everywhere she could from the nursery to the kitchen to teaching Sunday school lessons to the kids.
I was Baptized at the age of 13
I was heavily involved in the Youth Group and would testify God's Word
I was strong in my beliefs, morals and Faith.
I was even married in that same church.
But somewhere along the way I "outgrew" my religion.
I became arrogant and selfish.
I thought I was being held back and robbed of opportunities in my life.
I started to drift in my own ways and the more I got away from the principles that was taught to me, the further I got caught up in my own self righteous beliefs.
At this time I was living the life of "success"
I had the big house
I had my family
I had money coming in
I had the athletic / lean and strong body
Hell, I had previously served in the Infantry / Combat Engineer Units... I'm unstoppable
And I had all the attention and admiration of others
But that wasn't good enough...
Nope
I also had the need to escape with weekend benders and an adulterous lifestyle and before I knew it, I lost everything including myself, my high morals and my self worth.
I tried to cover all that up with more success of starting a new business...
But going through a divorce and starting a business aged me quickly and I became over stressed and burdened with higher debt...
I was no quitter though... I'll handle this is what I kept telling myself but the truth was I was still too stubborn to see the errors of my ways.
I continued to be a slave to my addictions to money, self righteousness, sex, and alcohol.
During my darkest times I was becoming quicker to anger, desperate for the next dollar and the next one night stand.
Everyone else was to blame
My family for holding me back from "life's opportunities"
My wife who didn't desire me
The 2008 economy for a failed business
Nobody understood me
Nobody cared about me
Me me me me
I kept these kinds of feelings and stories in my head as I would pray to God to rescue me and then blame Him for everything in the same breath.
To anyone looking from the outside in, I was good... I was happy... I had everything...
But truthfully I was torn down and miserable until one cold January night I decided enough was enough. I wasn't going to live another year this way.
I was tired of struggling, I was tired of fighting a losing battle, I was tired of being angry and frustrated and so I tried to end it all.
Thankfully, due to a girl I was dating at the time, I was unsuccessful because of her rescue.
A parking lot full of police offers took me in handcuffs to the hospital...
The first thing I told the hospital staff was, "I'm fine. I'll stay the night but I need to go to work tomorrow."
Of course they weren't buying that... They knew better and knew what was best for me.
It was during that week long stay that I began to understand and see my own victim mindset...
Now, I've heard of the term "Victim Mindset" before. In fact, I would use it in my marketing and messages but it never crossed my mind that I was the one who was actually living in it.
But here I was now being shown how my stories of others and passing the blame was continuing to lead me towards my own self destruction.
It wasn't until the end of the week long stay that I came to grips with this reality...
And it was then that my relationship back to God began.
As I was released I started my way back to God but it took a whole year before I started working with a coach who really got me to dig deeper and face myself... He called it showing up for yourself
During this time working with this personal development coach I went deep into the Victim mindset and I began to understand that God truly wanted the best for me
But I first needed to accept that truth, that He loved me and only wants what's best for me... Not for me to try and understand Him or His ways which is what I thought I needed to do.
You see, I met God growing up in Church but I got to know Him at the bottom
And what I know about God is this:
He is all about second, third, fourth and an infinite amount of chances.... That is, until our time is up here on Earth...
He truly is the God of mercy and love
He can get you out of dark places
He is always there and God is always good...
But to accept God is to truly know God wants what's best for you and to lean on Him beyond your own understanding... Not try and understand how or even why He does it.
Now I'll be honest that still today I'm faced with many challenges and there are still many consequences that I'm paying for due to my actions from years ago BUT I'm no longer seeing them or dealing with them as a Victim or even alone.
Instead I'm able to acknowledge them, face them and go through whatever process I need to to overcome every situation as a Victor of my own life...
And I'm only able to do that because of the Strength I've found in God and by coming from a place of Love, Grace and better Understanding of what it truly means to be a Victor rather than a Victim.
If you're struggling today I invite you to start with God's promise here:
Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation." Isaiah 12:2
And Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." John 14:6
If you need prayer or someone to simply talk to... Know that I'm here for you.
May God Grant You Peace, Love and Strength
If you feel like you need someone in your corner to help you, I encourage you to do something for yourself like invest in the Salvation Strength Mentorship.
Investing in a Personal Development Coach was the best decision I have ever made and he may of literally of saved my life.